hahaha...finally april is over!!!

sounds a little ironic that april is my favourite month of the year...
i would hav loved to get all the pressies and stuff from my frens but this year it was totally different...
my birth month is full jam packed with academic stuff...damn..
from early of the month, i was kept bz with field trip, presentations, tests, interviews, meetings and of course my FYP!!!

it would have been ok if i didnt have to enter EDX but there u go again...my oh-so-great sv had to include his favourite nur in for the highlight of the month...it would have been helpful if ia had gotten a heads up earlier on and also had a complete project to present but shit happens...i was left with a week to complete work that would usually take me 3 weeks to do...(exaggerating??..maybe..maybe not..)

i must admit there was a 'hikmah' behind it...it was hard seeing other ppl doing their fyp at a stress free mode at the time but i can say, after all thats been done..im glad i did it then and not rite now..becoz i completed my fyp early, i could do my projects, presentations and other activities with a little less stress...
thats y i dont have much worries about the early oral presentation that was set for me...i had things under control by the end of the month and i was feelin' GOOD!!

true that i missed out on my birthday but i guess i could celebrate it next year (god willing)...missed out on family time to the extent that my family has to come and visit me..LOL (fyi, there coming today!! \0/)

but overall, i am glad that things went as it did...

my gratitude is in order...frens hav been supporting me and has been patient with me since long before...
thx peng...u hav been there for me for as long as i can remember...

pcs group..it was fun being with all of u...

exams are starting on 12 may...finish on 27th....1 more month to go in utp...then bye2..
very sad coz i know there will be times im gonna miss this student life....

im closing this book and opening another on the path of working life..wish me luck on that..

im taking this opportunity to say good luck to all for the coming exams...and also for their future lives...

until next time...
sayonara

apakah?

da cool down..im thinking rationally...

betul kata peng...daripada nk kecohkan keadaan better juz shut up and let things settle themselves..

im tired of this..mcm budak kecik pun ada..who says that adults cant be children huh??

ive said what ive wanted to say...hopefully so has he...

y pursue further??

xde conclusion..let it be...

kalo dendam..then wat can i say??

but y after saying dier xnk kaco aku da and xmo cari aku lg, dier still looking up my blog?? y even bother bg comment???

dunno la...

maybe he cant keep away??....not my fault bro...

mebe he still ada dendam??...cant do a thing about it

mebe dier still syg???....god i hope not...after all thats said and done...theres no taking it back and pretending this has nvr happened...

he was the one who wanted to cut all ties....(juz do it already and be done with it!!!)

thx peng for all the support u have given me...even though at the time it doesnt seem like i appreciate it..

now i can move on...

wtf is going on??

bengang yg x terhingga when i got this msg masa g ipoh dgn peng...wtf...kene tuduh getting between frens and trying to ruin their frenship..

apa kes??

xde gunenyer aku nk buat korg enemies pun...xde faedah...

ko sendrik yg ckp x berlapik sampai org len leh slhfhm...

aku xde influence pun kt org len...org len pun ada otak...bleh pk...bleh nilai apa yg betul..apa yg salah...apa yg kurang ajar...apa yg sopan...

kalo org yg kenal ko leh bengang dgn ayat ko..manakan org yg xkenal ko...

kalo dier nk tego ko...itu pendpt der sendrik...aku pun xtau apa yg dier tulis kat ko sampai ko pk aku nih dalangnyer...

the person in question told me to stay cool and ignore all this..tp ko da melampau...da la ko yg jatuhkan maruah aku with the sugar comment...skrg ko jugak yg ckp aku yg jahat...

comment awal2 ptg nih ingt nk just let it go but for this ko mmg xkan terlepas...apa yg berlaku pasnih mmg pdn muka ko...

aku pun xtau apa aku da buat kt ko sampai ko pk mcm2 kt aku....sbb aku rejek ko?? sbb aku pilih dier dr ko?? sbb ego ko ke??

'yer mmg aku kurang ajar..got problem with that?'<---yes..i hav a problem with it...

'one week of horrible mistakes??'<-----u brought it on urself...

apa ko ingt aku nih nk sgt kt ko???

ko yg lebeyh2...ko yg terhegeh2...

slama nih aku xde pun benci ko...skit pun tidak...

rupanya mmg patut aku berhati2 dgn ko sejak dr mula...

mmg patut aku stay away dr ko...

fyi, aku pun xmo dier gaduh dgn ko....lg2 pasal aku...

tp apa aku leh buat....ko yg timbulkan pergaduhan nih and blaming it all on me...

honestly..he has more class than to fall for ur bait...

and i respect him more for it...

aku pun xtau nape ko nk sgt rapat dgn aku...

xtau nape ko leh suka kt aku..

aku x mintak pun...

aku x regret kenal dgn ko...aku x regret frenship kite..

aku cumer regret yg ko leh slhsangka kt aku..bajet la lelaki gentlemen...

jgn nk slhkan aku sbb benda2 yg mmg luar kawalan aku...

dulu ko kata ko percaya yg aku org yg bek...skrg nih ko kata lain plak...

sumer nih ayat ko semata2 je ke??

mmg patut ke aku x percaya ko sblm nih??

is it ko jdkan si dier alasan supaya ko leh pekenakan aku balik...??

apa pun sukati la...

aku percaya..org yg kenal aku...org mcm dier...akn see thru all the lies...

life is full of surprises

there are so many things that happen in life that u think u are ready for..things that u think u can handle...ppl that u think u know...

and in the exact moment u think u have it all figured out, life just tosses u insides a huge mixer and jumbles everything around until u can neither make heads nor tails of the mess.

thats whats been happening to me...

with all the things that have been going on...the things that i know...

its no big surprise that i have become such a realistic, pessimistic and cynical person..

this feeling makes me feel as if i cant trust anybody and cant relax my guard around anybody...

its tiresome...its heartbreaking...

its so lonely

ive been like this for so long...i dont recognize the old me anymore...i wish there was a big reset button that can change everything back to default mode like the ones they have in handphones so that i can start over again when things get so messed up.

i wish...

yes...life is full of surprises...but no one said they have to be good ones...

they can be darn downright nasty little surprises that sneak up on u and catch u unawares...

or they can be sweet surprises that make u forget for a little while that this world is so hard and cruel...

i truly respect the ppl who can still smile and move on after being hit with the worst that u can imagine.

for me...

i feel like ive had enuf...feel like there is no chance of happiness...no chance of peace....ive run out of luck...ive run out of steam....

im just so exhausted...

so so tired of everything.

time to lay low for a while...mind my own business and look inside myself...

hope i can get out of this mood soon coz i truly hate being like this.

walking away

the week after the trip to cameron has been sumwhat challenging, tiring and also full of strain.

after returning, i immediately went into study mode and asgnt mode.

it was exhausting but necessary as i had a few tests and quizzes that were scheduled for the week.

since this was the 7th week already, i was getting kinda worried about the progress of my fyp and other projects. it kept me awake for the better part of the nites.

i dont know how but i hav been increasingly close with a frend of mine since the gath.

we go out together a couple of times and then before i knew it...things began to escalate in a most alarming and uncomfortable manner. he was telling his frens about our so called relationship and acting a little too familiar with me...i cant really blame him but it was making me feel very uncomfortable. after several attempts of trying to tell him to slow down the pace, i gave up and finally exploded. we chatted about this for some time before he finally realized that wat he and i both wanted were two very different things. he had wrongly judged my actions...

thru out all this, i came to realize that i had come to miss my ex. but knowing that me and him will not have much of a future, i am putting my feelings aside.

i have reached a conclusion that i shud juz focus on the most important things in life such as my fyp, projects, interviews and friends rather than the matters of the heart.

this past weeks have made me feel more appreciative of simple and pure frenship and more wary of emotional commitment.

i miss the times when i could juz hang out with frens regardless of gender without worrying about any possible misunderstandings that might occur.

another things that i have learnt and has caused me great distress is the knowledge that there are ppl who believe i am not a good person due to the former association with an entity (refer to last posting).

there has been times when ppl treat me in a most degrading fashion because they think i am a bad gurl. it makes me so sad to hear about it but thankfully, i hav stopped associating myself with this entity. hopefully ppl will see me as i really am and not based on rumours or ppl i associate with.

i dont have to worry about my close frens because they truly know how i really am. they have refused to believe in gossip that has been maliciously spread.

as ppl always say...once burned twice shy. i wont wait around for the entity to do me over a second time.

everyone knows how she is and now becoz of all that she has done, she is paying the price.

no more sympathies from me.

i will save that for my friends who are truly my frens.

cameron ooo cameron

Last weekend was the best weekend ever...

G cameron beb. Asalnyer xmo g tp tetibe pg2 buta (xde la buta sgt ..kul 10 pun) feno mengecall and suh siap2...

aku yg blur nih pun bgn and trus g mandi tanpa memikirkan sebab musabab....feno nih mmg ada kuasa mengejut org dr bgn tido kot..:P

da la aku x cukup tido..smlm nyer g karok dgn feno, kazen feno and li...:D

x puas karok plak tuh...

adeyh...

neway, back to da story...tgh2 shower br sedar yg aku x packing pape pun..bayar duit pun tidak...even da ckp kt mal yg aku x jd nk g...nmpk gayanyer aku akn kantoi di situ laa..haha

pas packing skit...trus trun cafe jumpe feno..meera and tonton (1st time jumpe dier).

neway, kami g main hall dan jumpe all the geng..lama gaks la x jumpe...last time was kt ghazliatul aishah last sem...

yg x bestnyer ada plak entiti yg x disukai ramai di situ...

nk buat caner..buat tatau je la...

even me and iqbal leh get along but dgn entiti itu xleh blah..

neway..sambung citer..

bertolak la kami....meera drive...me and tonton duk blkg sambil amik gamba...:P

thanx to rumet ku yg tersyg yg sudi meminjam camera 7.2Mp dier..:D

benti jap kt simpang pulai and jumpe husna and halim...pasangan yg sgt hot skrg nih...suweeett giler derang...da la nek moto sesama..jeles2

haha..

nek la kami ke cameron...benti sana sini amik gambar...best giler...da la kenal2 dgn dak2 yg tidak dikenali sblm ini dan berposing2 dgn pelbagai posisi sepanjang perjalanan..:P

meera and feno makin rapat..menimbulkan keraguan tentang status mereka...but lets leave that for another day la kot.

next stop kt blue valley...joking around dgn geng2...best giler...last time g sana dgn iqbal..skrg nih g single2 je..:P

bonzer siap bg bunga yg dier petik kt tepi jln kt aku..dem...

i guess its the thought that counts..haha..thx bonzer..muah2!!

sambung perjlnan sampai brinchang..benti for lunch..duk ramai2 kt meja panjang sambil menikmati hidangan tghari dgn suasana sejuk2 manja tuh..(ayat xleh blah..)

next stop kt guest house twin pines..not what i expected (coz xtau nk expect ape pun act..:P)

dpt plak rumet dgn entiti yg tlh disebutkn sblm nih...haih...tidak ku duga~~~

down jap but still maintain..

ptg tuh kitorg bebas buat activiti masing2...so me feno tonton g jln2..jumpe gerai yg menjual pancake strawberi and cheesecake yg menguji keimanan...pau separuh feno pnya..wahaha..

then br dak2 len dtg...by that time da sold out...adeyh..kang x mkn jd termimpi2...sok gak kene dtg mkn lg!!

lupa plak pasal ada pasar mlm kt brinchang..kami pun beredar la...me husna halim nazli and meera nek satu keta....jeles giler tgk tonton nek moto mior.dem~

jln2 around pasar mlm tuh sambil beli benda yg dikirim oleh osmet2 ku....best gak tgk mcm2 benda...tp xleh duk lama sbb ujan and da makin sejuk...

balik2..mandi dgn air panas..waaaaa..leganyer~....

kuar2 tgk api bbq in the process...lepak2 dgn dak2 nih...sambil2 tuh tgk tonton men gitarnyer...syg xde cord byk sgt..kalo xleh nyanyi2 sambil tgu bbq siap...(bajet nk karok la)

time bbq tuh la jumpe nabil, abg rizal and kazen nabil...diorg nih mcm ok jek so lepak2 skali...

siap pas mkn men gitar..round2 cameron sampai awal pg and g mapley minum teh tarik...

balik2 me feno meera and li duk satu meja citer pasal antu...haha..budusnyer!!

last2 kazen nabil, danial and wary join skali..meriah la plak..

sumer tido dkt2 kul 5 la gak...meera la cuak2 tgk husna tutup muka masa tido..aparraaa!!

sok pg bgn awal gak g cari strawberry pancake...haih...heaven beb...x rugi bgn awal.

then kitorg balik nk checkout...posing amik gambar sepam and then g ladang teh utk buat muvi hindustan..hahaha...

before balik benti kt market beli strawberi and bunga2an....best giler...

aku ape lg..tido la sepanjang perjlnan...tido kt feno..(best woo!!)

bile feno drive plak aku sambung tido lg...saling menyandar kt tonton plak..sian dier!!

da lama x juz hav fun camtuh...walopun

terpaksa korban std time tp rs berbaloi....seb bek x g career fair ktg penang. nt jeles plak dgr2 citer dr geng2 yg g...

rsnyer kene buat lg activiti mcm nih...kang da kuar utp nyesal plak...

im gonna miss this soo much!!

last weekend

First outing dgn adik2 housemate. sgt best...asalnya juz ajak g mkn mcd tgh2 mlm.

a few of us and Feno pun ada. (bajet cam bodygad la..haha)

rumet pun join skali...

since mcd was 24 hours kitorg x rush sgt...sampai sana pun dlm kul 11 lebeyh..sumer org lapa giler trus serbu counter..

pas da abes mkn br la stat men2..amik gambar sana sini..masing2 nk buat kenangan..da la x slalu kitorg kuar skali mlm2..

pas mkn..pakat round2 ipoh..ngah round2 tetibe senyap..rupenyer sumer kat backseat tu da tetido!!!!

xpe la kalo gitu. we all set back to utp. time tuh da kul 230. me and feno bukak radio kuat2 and then karok...lama gak x wat bende giler camtuh...

sampai utp osmet da bgn and then we all amik gambar around utp..

pakgad pun pelik tgk kitorg...da la tgh2 mlm...kitorg wat bising depan main hall.

we took pictures sampai sumer org punyer camera da abes bateri...seb bek bateri abes..kalo x mmg sampai pagi leh thn lg..

next day, ingt nk g fun fair yg kt dpn jj tuh...

last2 shopping kat jj sampai jj nk tutup. fun fair tuh x sampai2.

g mkn kt MBI terrace and lepak sana dgn a few frens dr uitm. pas mkn kitorg g karok...ex rumet dgn bf dier pun join gak...

kul 4 br reti nk balik...

adeyh..giler arr wiken nih...taubat x buat da kot~